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Or one may prefer certain positions; or both partners may be bottoms or - as in your case - both tops. They must learn other ways to satisfy their partners. It's OK to Be a Side! Begin relaxing your anal muscles by introducing fingers, dildos and dilators. And from my perspective, we're both having fun. It is neither the incompatibility nor the differences that is the problem.

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And, yes, I've jacked off thinking about it after each time I sucked him.

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Guys on the 'Side': Looking Beyond Gay Tops and Bottoms

Once again, a bottom who is HIV-positive can protect himself from transmitting by consistently taking their HIV medication and staying in care. And Sam assumes that at some point, memories are all he'll have. But the kind of spur-of-the-moment anal intercourse as depicted in the movie Brokeback Mountain doesn't necessarily work in real life. Over time, sadly, the honeymoon wore off as it does for us all, and when the reality set in, they found it painfully unacceptable. I've been seeing my boyfriend for a couple of months now. I jokingly tell the straight men who are insecure about enjoying anal play that, as a sex therapist, I am obliged to tell them that the human anus has no sexual orientation.

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The real challenge in New York has nothing to do with being a top or bottom. If a man has undergone prostate surgery that caused nerve damage to the penis or suffers from hemorrhoids or other issues that make anal penetration impossible, uncomfortable or unappealing, then that physiological or medical reason takes most of the shame out of being a side. Some may even enjoy receiving or giving anal stimulation with a finger, but nothing beyond that. He suggests that eligibility questionnaires "be made more detailed for men who've had sex with men, in order to more accurately identify the degree of risk. As a result, their capacity for receiving pleasure during anal sex is extremely limited, if not physically uncomfortable. One of my closest friends, "Sam," is a gay guy.

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